Living with life

After dwelling in the desert for over 8yrs and going on occasional visits home for two or three weeks each year, I had forgotten what nature felt, smelled, and taste like.

I’m sitting in the park that is surrounded by pine trees, dozens of flowers with its pollen blowing in the breeze, spiders, and unknown bugs crawling all around me. My heart starts to flutter like the butterflies that dance in the wind right in front of me.

Nature is making me feel brand new its like a spa treatment for my spirit, renewing something inside refreshing my mind, making me feel more alive.

It’s stated that the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40yrs. 8yrs was long enough for me. Any longer all of me would have dried up and turned into

Dust.

I found life, love, and death while living in the desert

Now I’m learning to live with life in Nature.

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To seek or not to seek

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Maybe I pass this place at least 3 times a week, and each time I have a slight urge and curiosity to venture inside to find out how good this psychic might be can this person have all the answers to my questions?

I ask myself what is it that I would like to hear from this person who claims to see and know the unseen and unknown?

Then I start to think about all the things I would like to know at the moment:

I will eventually do something with my life where I feel a tad bit of satisfaction, that will last more than the moment.

Is this whole pursuit of following my dreams all in vain?

Oh yeah whats going to happen in my love life will I eventually fall in love and will it be the type of love that is mutual and will we be brave enough to stay together through life’s difficult challenges?

Will my son, grow up to resent me for not being with him and his father here in Alabama, for choosing to let his father raise him? Will he ever understand that I do not love his father, I never loved his father? Will he know that despite the choices I have made by choosing to let him live with his father because it was in his best intrest I do love him with all of my God…Will I ever make peace with the choices that I have made when it comes to my son?

I can see myself saying “Sorry Mr. Or Mrs. Psychic, for all the questions, but can you tell me what is the purpose of traveling all over the world for so many years, away from my family and all that was familiar to me, gaining a new outlook on people, religion, spirituality, politics basically my entire outlook on LIFE has changed, I’ve been transformed in so many ways and now that I have returned I’m not quite sure what to do with myself and this person I have become, can you give me some advice?

Then the psychic would say to me,”I’m not a therapist dear, but I do have a cousin who lives two houses down who is; maybe she can help you in that area of your life, but I can tell you that when you die none of these concerns or questions will matter anymore”.

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I have a deep concern, that if I don’t eventually do something with myself and start giving back to the world, I will eventually morph into a walking dead citizen of the world who wakes up every day goes off to a job that has no meaning besides enslaving her to earning just enough to feed herself, pay the bills, and keep a roof over her head, living from pay check to pay check. Life would eventually loose meaning. I will no longer do the things that bring joy to my life like traveling to new places, meeting new people, enjoying the company of friends and family and a life partner. God will simply become an extraterrestrial being up beyond the big blue sky and I will only seek God on that one special day set aside during the week, or when i’m only in need of some material substance. I’m afraid I will gain that life of routine that surrounds me.

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I admit that I do desire to have all the things that bring joy to my heart!!! Love, Family, lots of travels, romance, most of all I desire to make a difference in this world by helping others, I would love a home to return to after being abroad, I desire to get the most out of life while i’m here living, I yearn to always to continue to grow spiritually and consciously be in the presence of God day in and day out. I desire a career that brings joy and satifaction.

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Not knowing is driving me nuts not being sure about anything right now in my life is making me gaze off into the direction of a person claiming to know, but know what?

Can a psychic bring that assurance?   I don’t doubt the works that a psychic can do, shit I’m not even sure of the works that a psychic can perform, but I’m sure if I continue put in the physical, mental, and spiritual works I will be able to find all the answers without the help of a psychic, when I take the time to reflect truly reflect on my past and bring myself into the NOW, I gain clarity and I can see the works that the Lord has performed in my life and as God is my witness.    all i need is just a little bit of faith as small as a mustard seed, and I’m assured that the only psychic I need is the Lord.

All will be just fine and nothing is in vain.
;-)

It is a small world after all.

I would like to believe it started with a vision at the age of 8,  it was the latest my mother had let me stay outside the street light had been on for more than two hours and all the stars shined brightly in the Florida’s clear sky. I looked up to the sky and saw planes pass by and imagined what it would look like looking out of one of those small windows of the airplane and I woundered where was the plane heading to in this huge world.
I wanted to get on one of the planes so i closed my eyes and made a wish from the depths of my soul so deep to where I could invision it as a shooting star flew across the sky I wish to travel the world all my life. 

That winter I had my first plane ride to Winsconsin, it was the furthest I had been away from florida besides our yearly summer routines to good ol’e Alabama to see my mom’s side of the family. Winsconsin was very first white christmas in Appelton, Winsconsin. I experienced everything I had saw in the movies and dreamed doing myself. I went sleding down huge hills, sled into a tree and smashed my face; I think my mother cried more than I did after seeing the damage that was done, I recall her crying out to my stepfather “look what you’ve done to my baby’s face, she is not a little boy, you can not be playing with them like they are little boys”, she cried out as she put a warm wash cloth on my scraped up faces, and my sister giggled in the corner of the bathroom as she watched me let out little sobs.

My stepdad played lots of pranks one that I will never forget was him daring me to put my tongue on a light pole, I took him up on his dare curious to what would happen besides feeling lots of coldness on my tongue. In my small mind I never knew that it wouldn’t be worse than feeling cold on my toongue but more like an extreme burn, that would last until I was able to rip my tongue from being stuck to a wooden iced light pole, again my mother cried more than I as she yelled at my stepfather for daring me to do such a thing! My sister just sat in the back ground giggling to herself. I enrolled in the snowball army and encountered more snowball wars than the US military could engage in ever, ok I’m exaggerating there.

On Sundays I daydreamed layed across the floor the sunroom and looked out the windows of two huge french doors that lead out into the wilderness that was less than 20 steps away from my aunt and her husband’s huge mansion. I imagined what it would be like to own my very own house out in the country side to experience a white christmas every year for the rest of my life.

1987 was the best Christmas of my life, on the plane ride back to sunny Florida looking outsidee the airplanes window into the clear blue sky, I knew in my heart that magic did exist no matter what my mother, father, grandmother, sunday school teacher, or preacher said. I knew it in my heart and mind and nothing would change that belief not even now at the age of 33 that I could create a life of magic for myself.

It seemed like eternity

Those eyes, those eyes!!! Everything that seemed to exist at the moment stopped.

I can’t seem to stop thinking about those eyes and the moment time really didn’t exist. It really is real…

Well I’ve got a train, taxi, then plane to catch.

Maybe I can figure a little more out during my journey home.

I realized the soul can speak to you in so many ways giving you signs but you will only realize when its the right time.

Love, light, and peace.

Marie