So this year has brought about many changes in my life.  Leaving me to sort out, accept, and live with all kinds of emotions and experiences.

For the first time in my life I feel like I have no choice, but to live in the now and stop trying to control the future or logic the past event. This living the now is teaching me to just have faith another deeper meaning of faith. Even though I feel fear sometimes lurking in the pit of my stomach (fear of the unknown) I’m learning to move in the midst of fear, because if I want to truly live and feel alive I have no choice, but to keep on moving past the fear.

The end of 2010  I had to abandon a well-paying job that was poisoning my spirit, I found myself almost homeless in a country that isn’t even my home country.

I have started a new job that doesn’t pay a dime, just enough to survive, but it gives me a big peace of mind, and its teaching me to live within my means and there are many stages of gluttony in this material world. I don’t see myself in this job for very long, but at the moment it puts me in a position were my visions are not obscured and its breaking me and rebuilding me into a stronger version of who I am.

This year I had to said goodbye to two very close friends that I leaned on for the past 7 yrs, and learned that its only distance that separates us. There are people in this world I’m connected to on a spiritual level. I like to call these people my soul mates be it man or woman.

I saw a love in its true colors and learned to accept it for who and what it is, even though at first I wanted to taint it with negative thoughts, because it  didn’t turn out to be what (who) I wanted it to be. I was reminded that Love is a spirit and it can not be controlled and when it visits my home it’s all about how I welcome it into my home and entertain as a hostess.

This year I’m learning to let go of attachments, this has got to be one of the hardest lessons so far. It feels like someone is pulling a jagged knife out of the side of me. I’ve gotten angry with family, friends, myself, even God when it comes to these lessons. Many days I just cried and cried. I knew I had let go, but the pain was like giving birth.

I confessed to a friend over dinner that I felt that I was being defeated as I let go of each attachment. I didn’t want to give up! I wanted to hold on to everything I thought and felt I rightfully earned in life. I realized the more I tried to hold on the more I felt sick and I knew a lot of these things I was fighting to hold on to was no longer good for me spiritually and physically. So I let the tears flow and with each tear an attachment was released.

I had to learn a deeper meaning of humbling myself through continuous prayer. I have been  saying the Lord’s prayer more this year than when I was child saying it every night on my knees beside my bed. I say it in the car, at work, in the shower, while cooking…

“Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom come,

your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.”

Love has revisited my home in the form of Solitude this year.

Late night conversations with Solitude, about self-love, and falling in Love with the Creator on a different level of loving.

I’ve realized that there are going to be a lot of things that I might not understand as mentioned in the beautiful prayer below I found an agreement to replace understanding.

I read this prayer last year, but this year as I face a new transformation in my life, It touches me deeper. My friend posted the link on twitter and I read it again this morning.

This will be my new prayer for 2011  Prayer for Forgiveness along with the Lord’s Prayer.

@ArtPraxis