Time doesn’t exist unless you make the time

Yesterday started at the break of dawn around 6am if not earlier for me. I rushed to shower, I rushed, to get dressed, I rushed to the coffee shop, and I rushed along the highway to get to Spanish class at the University while drinking my hot coffee and not fully enjoying its taste and aroma. I rushed my brain to try and comprehend what was being taught in class. I rushed from the university to the house to unpack my car that was filled with a collaboration of things from the week that was coming to an end. I rushed to clean my room. I rushed to get to my boyfriend’s apartment that was blowing my phone up to find out where my whereabouts where. I rushed to the Laundromat to get two loads of laundry done within 1hr, so I could make it back to the apartment to get dressed for a wedding in less than an hour to only attend the ceremony and not the reception. Then I rush from there to get to a concert and meet of with my boyfriend’s family who had generously blessed us with VIP tickets to the Jazz festival.

Rewinding back to the Laundromat I decided to get some food which involved me rushing from the Laundromat to a fast food joint and back to the Laundromat. Then realizing after I made it back to the Laundromat that I had forgot to get eating utensils for the salad.  So I rushed to the nearest gas station and brought a bag of plastic forks. For some odd reason I rushed to down the salad down my throat. Even though I had 30 minutes on the dryer to complete drying the clothes, I downed the salad in less than 10 minutes and decided that the half dried clothes were dry enough since I couldn’t rush the dryer to dry faster.

While rushing from 6am to 1am somewhere in between those times I realized that I had so many suppressed negative emotions that were arising inside of me. These emotions were from things in my past that I assume was packed away but ready to be unpacked and addressed in the midst of busy day filled with rushing. I kept telling myself each time these various emotions started to bubble up that it wasn’t the right time for me to address them, because I needed to focus on the moment of me rushing from one event to the next.

So Sunday morning has arrived, I hear the birds chirping outside along with the sound of raindrops hitting the bamboo sticks outside the kitchen window. Normally it would have been a joy to hear Mother Nature’s music, but instead body ached and my head was like ancient tribal drums.

I had rushed so much yesterday from one thing to the next; I had forgotten to drink a sufficient amount of H2O, but enough of margaritas on the rocks along with lack of sleep and a red bull realizing that my body physically and apparently spiritually cannot handle too much wear and tear. My body and spirit was yelling at me this morning.

I pulled myself out of the bed and immediately downed water, coffee, and more water and some deep breathing, and meditation was just what the spiritual doctor ordered minus the coffee.

The day progresses and the headache is lifting like a morning fog. I’m making a late lunch and those suppressed emotions reminded me while I’m stirring the beans that maybe this was the time for me to address those troubling emotions, and maybe if possible get to the root and do some spiritual cleansing. So I’m logging off and making the time to do some spiritual cleansing. Have a blessed Sunday.

I read in The Book of Manuals by Paulo Coelho

“The busier we are, the more those emotions will accumulate, with the risk that, one day, they will explode. Yes, we have all problems that we need to face, so why not do it now? Stop. Think. Suffer a little. In the end, we might understand who we are, what we are feeling, what we are doing here, in this moment, rather than being ruled by the Diary of Life.”

Viva Saint Joseph

Finding My Voice and Realizing My Strength

I was given a second chance to redeem my voice (check out the blog where I vent about loosing my voice in front of a room full of people)  in my Life, Learning, Vocation class a week ago. I did a speech on CHANGE for my last assignment and I surprised myself as I stood before the class and told my story before all my classmates and spoke on how change has brought me to this point where I am today.  I was true and pure as I delivered my speech with passion, clarity, tearful eyes, and all of my heart. I understand that my voice does matter and what I say embedded with divine meaning. God the Maker, Creator, Alpha, and Omega is good and I’m thankful and blessed to find my voice again along with so many other things that I had lost while out in the desert for eight years.

As April approach, reflection passes through my memory, reminding me where I was a year ago from now ( in the desert, growing, learning, and being broken, only to realize that I can be built again), it makes me smile with gratitude, knowing where I came from and how I got to where I am today. I was weak when I left Doha, Qatar April of last year, my spirit was fragile, my mentality scattered, and broken-hearted. I needed healing badly and the Maker knew this, so the Universe conspired making sure healing be brought into my life during this beautiful transition from the desert into a new terrain of life.

I know now that my strength comes from the Maker alone, when I close my eyes in meditation I’m reminded that the Universe is inside of me, I am one with All. There is no I, but there is One. A connection to all living things a Oneness, Peacefulness, and Understanding with each breath taken.

Wishing I could be in Greece this year praying, eating, and celebrating Saint Joseph’s Day with my WOL sisters and brothers, but I understand that I am where I am because there is divine purpose in every foot step that I take.

I dedicate this song to my family and WOL (Warrior of The Light) family. I love you all dearly.

I will be praying tomorrow on St. Joseph’s Day with all the WOL around the world.

Love, Light, and Live!

Viva St. Joseph!!!

A new Love story in the making

Lately I started to believe that maybe I wouldn’t accomplish my dreams and maybe I would end up old, bitter, and cynical due to the fact that I felt like I don’t have the will to fight the good fight and write.

I always felt like I had to be in love with someone to write. I guess that’s where i drew my energy from.

Well, I love someone, but I’m not in love with this someone. Last night it occurred to me that I didn’t have to be in love with anyone in particular, I needed to fall in love again with writing stories, sharing my soul, stop being afraid to let my heart speak out loud, I needed to fall desperately in love agin with the art of story telling, like I use to feel years ago before any man was a priority in my life. It could be years before I meet a man and fall in love, why in the hell would I postpone writing when it could mean waiting 30 yrs from now?

I realize now that the energy is inside of me and all around me, and all I need to do is summon up Love and reconcile some things. Love is always generous and willing to take you on a new journey and teach new lessons. I think its time I fall in love again!


Since I’ve returned to the states and I think I will be here for a while getting acquainted again with my country of birth, with my family, with friends, and enjoying this new chapter in my life, and occasionally traveling to other countries, but returning to Mrs. USA. I feel that newness of everything all around me here that use to feel old, what I once use to run away from, now all I want to do is draw near to. I understand that “there is nothing new under the sun”, but yes its possible to find mystery and newness in a single grain of sand and even when contemplating a flower.

I will do as Paulo Coelho stated in his Conversation with readers todayhttp://shar.es/sQPER; I will write about my life experiences (because Lord knows I’ve encountered some very interesting experiences while traveling around the world for the past 14.5 yrs of my life.

I will also fight for the things that are important to me! I have a personal legend  that I have to fulfill and I don’t want this life to be in vain at the end of my very last breath here on earth.

Hiden Haterism

Haters are confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody else likes you’~Paulo Coelho

Yes, thats the subject today.

I realized that a friend of mine always has a tendancy to say something negative when something nice in my life happens to me, but when something bad happens in my life or when my life seems to be in shambles then this friend is on cloud nine!

Hummm

I asked myself does this friend see her pattern of behavior? Now I don’t doubt that she is my friend I know that she is, but why in the hell can’t she just say something nice when something good or nice happens with me?

I’m going to call it Hidden Haterism!

I know that its possible to feel jealousy towards a friend, especially when things are not going great in my life. I can admitt that its happened within me before, but I thank God I have always been able to acknowledge my emotions quickly and I put on my  beautiful smile and cheer my best cheer and celebrate with my friend and later when i’m alone i address my insecurities and check myself, because the last thing I would want to do to a friend is try to steal his or her joy over a childish and negative emotion.

What are your thoughts on jealousy from a close friend or relative?

The Warrior within

Yesterday’s battle was tricky, but suprising.

Yesterday I had a battle, an all too familiar battle that started in the morning. I seem to have the upper hand in the battle during the daylight hours, but as the night slowly crept in, I felt my strength weakening.  I knew this meant I would have to do some serious praying, but I felt myself making old moves that I knew would not work against my opponent, I knew they  didn’t work because they never worked in the past.

The night set in and the cold wind covered my skin.  I tried to prepare for rest, but my heart remained restless, and my mind would not quiet down. I knew that it was a sign that I shouldn’t put my defenses down, but I was tired so I ignored my mind and heart.  Then I was hit, I was hit hard and I felt myself falling down and splashing into the water! I thought maybe I should call an ally, maybe he could give me words of comfort, or maybe read some inspirational words, but none of those could help me as I splashed around in my sea of tears. I panicked as I kept splashing and going under. Then I kept getting a vision of the two floatation devices that I always kept on me; my pen that was my paddle and paper that was my boat.

I knew they would help me get thru the night, but the thought of writing my feelings down seemed like it would take so much energy, and time, but I couldn’t stand the thought of this repetitive act, of me always falling into the same abyss and waiting to be saved by someone.

I pulled out my floatation devices and started writing my feelings out.  I woke up this morning and saw the sun and smiled.

 

This morning after reading the post and the comments on Paulo Coelho’s blog Another wrong stepit makes me think about his quote

“The Warrior of Light knows that no man is an island.”
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Yesterday there were many WOL out on the field together fighting The Good Fight!