Category Archives: courage

Jan23

The Warrior within

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The Warrior within

Yesterday’s battle was tricky, but suprising.

Yesterday I had a battle, an all too familiar battle that started in the morning. I seem to have the upper hand in the battle during the daylight hours, but as the night slowly crept in, I felt my strength weakening.  I knew this meant I would have to do some serious praying, but I felt myself making old moves that I knew would not work against my opponent, I knew they  didn’t work because they never worked in the past.

The night set in and the cold wind covered my skin.  I tried to prepare for rest, but my heart remained restless, and my mind would not quiet down. I knew that it was a sign that I shouldn’t put my defenses down, but I was tired so I ignored my mind and heart.  Then I was hit, I was hit hard and I felt myself falling down and splashing into the water! I thought maybe I should call an ally, maybe he could give me words of comfort, or maybe read some inspirational words, but none of those could help me as I splashed around in my sea of tears. I panicked as I kept splashing and going under. Then I kept getting a vision of the two floatation devices that I always kept on me; my pen that was my paddle and paper that was my boat.

I knew they would help me get thru the night, but the thought of writing my feelings down seemed like it would take so much energy, and time, but I couldn’t stand the thought of this repetitive act, of me always falling into the same abyss and waiting to be saved by someone.

I pulled out my floatation devices and started writing my feelings out.  I woke up this morning and saw the sun and smiled.

 

This morning after reading the post and the comments on Paulo Coelho’s blog Another wrong stepit makes me think about his quote

“The Warrior of Light knows that no man is an island.”
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Yesterday there were many WOL out on the field together fighting The Good Fight!

 

Oct10

Moving forward

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Moving forward

The ground is trembling and the trees are swaying, every now and then I have to hold on to a nearby tree to regain my balance and watch my steps in the ground so I don’t accidentally fall into the huge pot holes that keep appearing more often as the trembles come and go. 

 I hear IT getting closer, a noise I can’t figure out, I think I’ve heard it before but its been so long I can’t remember when and where and what exactly it is. IT has got my heart beating fast and my stomach making loops. I tighten the strings of my cloak making sure it doesn’t fly off.

Yes, I’m scared as I walk down this familiar road that has somehow become unknown in a blink of an eye. I keep hearing this spooky voice in my ear whispering ” run Marie run while you can turn around and go back to familiar grounds, you don’t want to be defeated by this huge beast waiting for you somewhere down the road”!

I think in my mind do I remember the way back that I came, do I really want to run after coming so far and what would I be running from? I turn around and noticed that the road behind me has just as many pot holes.

I say to the little voice “I can’t turn around, and how do you know that there is a  huge beast somewhere ahead”?  The voice then says ” well, you can stop right here and hide somewhere maybe someone will appear and help you before the IT appears”.  I wonder how long will  it take for someone to appear and rescue me? I recall  a quote engraved into a stone when I first embarked on this new road it said “

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

I close my eyes  and reread the quote again and again in my mind as I stand there next to a tree, frozen in my footsteps with fear. After repeating the words outloud numerous of times, I am reminded of why I started off on this journey. I start to replay my life’s story all the way up to this very moment. Everything that has happened was because of LOVE.

I check my cloak again to make sure its was still tightly tied and I hear the little voice return and say to me, are you sure it’s really true LOVE? Are you ready to risk it all because you THINK its LOVE? Are you for certain? I search inside the pockets of my cloak and find my iPod and the lyrics from OUTKAST go into play.  I sing out loud repeating the verses.

Even the sun goes down, heroes eventually die

Horoscopes often lie and sometimes ‘Y’

Nothing is for sure, nothin’ is for certain, nothin lasts forever

but until they close the curtain

I say a prayer and quiet the spooky voice, I pray for courage to move forward in my path. I chose this path and there is no use letting fear and some pot holes and shaky grounds run me off my course.

I let go of the tree and take a leap forward in the air and cloak glides me to safe grounds. My balance has returned and i look behind to find the grounds are as beautiful as the ones ahead, it was as if nothing ever happened.

FALSE

EVIDENCE

APPEARING

REAL

Aug2

Blossoming into something Beautiful

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Blossoming into something Beautiful

After finishing my 7 day course Art of Living, I asked myself this question; what is next? Yesterday I tried everything to keep myself occupied. I stayed occupied until 11:00pm then my thoughts drifted off to him. I tried calling him. No answer and I’m glad he didn’t answer, because I don’t have anything to say to him now that I think of it. So this morning I woke up and I lay in bed feeling a little of the pain from last night. I closed my eyes and reached down in my heart and prayed.

 

Lord,

My thoughts are no longer joyful when I think of him my heart hurts when thoughts of him come to mind. I do not want a bitter, pain filled heart, mind and spirit. I know that I deserve what is good in life. Lord I need strenghth to move pass this, to forgive myself  for things I did wrong in the relationship, to forgive him for any type of animosity I have against him. Lord help me grow and learn from this experience, above all Lord give me courage to continue to Love and let Love live in my heart, and to always have love for him. Turn this pain that I have into a beautiful flower. Lord I know you hear my prayers above all I know you feel my heart and you know my true intentions, I ask for your help.

Thank you for what you have done and what you will continue to do in me.

Amen.

 

Prayer works, because as I sit at this computer and type I feel my heart at ease, a smile comes easy to my face, and my heart feels large and at ease.

So whats next after my beautiful lesson with The Art of Living. To continue to Live, Grow, learn and Love.

Aude Aliquid dignum

Sep17

a monkey on my back

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a monkey on my back

Ok there have been numerous things here at my Job that have made me feel ill inside its like a thermometer with each thing the temperature keeps going up and I’m like OK i can deal with this and i can deal with that so on and so on and then its only 2 degrees from boiling point and the smallest thing happens a fly lands on your food at work while being somewhat forced to eat your lunch while working ~no i don’t eat my lunch while working ;)    ~  and you blow up and leave your job over a fly when really it wasn’t the fly that made your temperature go to boiling point it was all the other things that caused your temperature to rise over the  time period.

A thought came to me today; I’m not exactly sure what it is that I am good at? I want to write but I don’t feel like I am a good writer at times I feel like I can’t even express my feelings so others can understand me clearly. So I was like; I’m at this job that I don’t care for at all (there was one point in my life where I use to like my job maybe it was because I was just happy to have a job maybe because the people I worked with and for were really good people and the moral was good at the time but over a time period the good seeds grown and been picked away and replaced with bad seeds that grow and start to kill off the goods ones that are still around. Any who, I figure if I left my job over the Fly landing on my food then what better way to find out what it is that Marie wants to do in life. I’m just another worker bee here and it wouldn’t hurt for me to leave and I DO want to find out what my personal legend is in life, I keep telling myself not to worry about being unemployed and to rely on God to make a way. So this I pray……..

“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”