2009 was a battle for me. My faith was tested my character was tested I was living a lie that had gone on too long, my spirituality wasn’t moving anywhere, and plummeting to the deep grounds. I was bitten and poisoned by something that weakened my spirit I started to loose faith in my faith. I found myself tired of life, I I realized that nothing absolutely nothing was stimulating to me. I didn’t see the joy in life, I no longer saw the beauty that a single flower possessed or felt the joy that came from the laughter of a small child. I knew something had to change but I didn’t know what or how.
I was out on a boat in the ruff sea sinking slowly, my cries were muffled by the roars of the storm i couldn’t hear my own cries. My vision was blurred bythe heavy rains pouring down. I felt like I wanted to just jump off the boat and give into the raging storm, but there was something inside of me that was very small that wasn’t ready to give up, every time that little something would keep me inside that boat and tell me that we would soon find shore even though I no longer had paddles to row myself in any unknown direction, that little part of me said just hold on. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed but the stormed didn’t pass and the little light inside of me kept on shining. It kept on glowing like a beacon in a light house.
One night I fell asleep and dreamed Iwas on a plane flying high in the sky on my way home. I was looking out the window of the plane talking to God.
Dear God I know things must change inside of me and I don’t want to keep on living like this, bring me closer to you, take my spirituality higher, I know this is not how you want me to live in a stagnant life with lies that kill and this is surely not how I want to live. I’m asking for your help. I am willing to let go of everything and anything just change me fix my spirit make me brand new, because what really matters is doing your will. So if you must take all from me I am willing to walk this path and do your will.
I woke up out of the dream on the plane and found myself washed up to shore on an island. The sun was shining so bright it was hard for me to see it was like I was being blinded by a bright sunbeam. I crawled farther into land my legs and arms were weak and my mouth was dry. I lied on my back and said Thank you Lord for saving me from the raging sea. The dream of the airplane flight seemed so real to me. I was starting to think I survived a plane crash, but the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months out in sea was very real as well, I was just thankful to see the sun again and feel myself safe on shore. I got up and walked around the island, looked for life other than myself. I was surprised to find life all around me. Sea shells moving along the beach with little crabs living inside, birds flying high in the sky, green trees swaying in the wind, flowers of every color blooming inland. Fresh streams of water, and beautiful water falls pouring off mountain tops.Everything was alive and beautiful.
I was alone but not alone. God spoke to me in many ways and languages through every living thing on the island.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months went by. It took me a while to get use to solitude, it was like rehab, cold nights, nights of fear, nights of nothing but silence, nights of questions and no answers. Days of walking along the beach, exploring the jungle, and swimming in the big blue sea. These nights and days started to turn into long conversations with God. Nights of dancing along the beach singing and laughing, cooking and eating with Lord, if someone had saw me they would have thought I went mad, but,I wasn’t crazy, I was filled with joy the joy of the Lord. There where times I found myself in deep prayer on my knees giving thanks to Jesus, sometimes I could see his feet standing before me.
I took notice how my mind, body and spirit was transforming. I would sometimes go to the spring and stare into it to see my reflection
, I loved what I saw, I looked brand new, the glow of the river made it seem like I was glowing all over, One day I even heard the spring say to me that it also liked what it saw when it stared into my eyes to see its reflection and the glow from my eyes made it look like the stream itself was glowing with a beautiful light. This made me smile.
I was enjoying my new found relationship with God and the lessons he was teaching to me. One day a big boat passed by my first thoughts was swim out to it, yell for it, or set a fire for the boat to see. Then I decided not to do anything. I didn’t want to leave my new home everything was peaceful and calm, I didn’t want it to be disturbed by the temptations and troubles that were out there. So I sat there on the beach and watched the boat pass. I was afraid of going back to the same.
That night God came to me and asked me “Why did you let the boat pass”? I told God I was perfectly comfortable in my new home and didn’t want to return. I didn’t want to return to the old me.
God said to me “Its time for you to take the lessons that I taught you and venture out from this small island and put them to test, challenge yourself, grow, find life and light not just in the animals, crabs, trees, flowers and stream of water here on this island but look for the small miracles that are waiting to be seen in everyday living, find the light in other people eyes and feel free to show them your light. By doing this you will see their light and many other hidden lights mysteriously appear. My light shines in all! Sometimes it just takes for one person to let their light shine so let your light shine for that boat to see you and get on it.
God: Take a look up there in the sky what do you see?
I stared hard into the night sky and I spotteda small star shining.
Me: I see a small star up there
God: Relax your eyes and scan the sky.
As I relaxed and looked at the big dark blue sky I started to see stars pop out of no where. Soon the entire sky was filled with bright shining lights.
Me: Wow the entire sky is filled with stars.
I stood up and looked out at the ocean and saw another ship sailing in the night. I ran to my fire and fed it with more branches and leaves and made it bigger and brighter so the ship could see my fire.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed.
I stepped off the boat and found my family waiting
on shore for me with open arms, smiling faces, and bright eyes.
I knew then that it is true that the soul needs to be tested
it needs change and challenges… I was deep in the ocean sailing no where, then high in the sky soaring with the birds, later planted on an island in solitude, then surrounded by many people with a bright gleams of light in their eyes singing Praise to the Lord for he is so worthy.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed. My faith was tested in these times, 2009 was a blessing in trials and tribulations and I proudly enter 2010 the Holy year and give praises and thanks to the Carpenter who has made me, broke me, molded me, and fixed me.
I celebrate Christmas because it is you Jesus the heavenly gift that was sent down to earth who I have found salvation through. I thank you and I love you.
Reunika Marie Parham AKA Bright Light Warrior Nika
Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year 2010 (Holy Year)