This morning I woke up before the alarm clock washed my face, brushed my teeth had some warm water put on my workout clothes went up stairs to the gym did a nice little workout. Took my shower got dressed for work picked up a cup of coffee and donut from Krispy Kreme arrived at work and got into my typical routine, checked my emails, logged onto facebook post a couple things went on twitter, google reader…..then my routine stopped when I reached into a box for some paper and was bit by an unknown insect. I shortly found myself in an emergency room getting shots of steroids to open up my lungs and shots of benadryl to stop the reaction to whatever venom that creepy crawly shot into my arm, and a IV to flush out my system. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like a the elephant woman face and arms with huge bumps and whelps all over. I could still feel my lungs tight as I slumped over on the hospital bed thinking and talking more like pleading to God to not let me die like this from some unknown poisonous insect bite in a grungy hospital room, with no family or loved one around for millions of miles away. Even though my spirit often tells me of the day I will die which is long from now I was in so much discomfort in that hospital room with my lungs tight and needles in my veins I had completely forgotten about that and I thought for a brief moment that today was going to be my last day.
So I made a promise to myself that if I made it through this awful allergic reaction I would start seriously working on those things that I want to accomplish like that love song, the kids book, and making plans for the coffee shop/book store.
Which got me to thinking about the question Paulo Coelho posted on his blog earlier this week Would you do a list of 5, 6 or 7 things that you should do to improve your quality of life?
Earlier this week I wrote in my journal; what I use to think that the Qualities of life was based around:
1. Having a huge house (even though all my life I wanted a small condo/studio maybe a small house in the country nothing big) But I put the huge house on my list of instead because i figured I would be more important and special to my friends/family with the big house that cost way more than what my salary and cost of living added up to in 5yrs meaning I would be paying on this house for 10 or 15 + years
2. having a huge family and getting married before I turned 30( my soul always knew I wouldn’t have a huge family, and I never was in a rush for marriage until I started getting those questions (are you married yet do you have any kids and when I would reply I’m not married but I have a son who lives with his father and his father and I are not together and no I do not love his father and I have no intentions of ever being in a romantic/relationship with him then people would give that look like you are completely fucked up I started telling myself that I wanted to get married have more kids so I can fit into society and stopped being looked at as some freak of nature. It got so bad that it ruined the relationship I was in. I put so much pressure on him unconsciously that he took off running.
3. A career that my family/friends approved of. I was willing to go into a career field only so I can make money to buy that house that would take years to pay off and put off my dreams of writing books, owning a coffee shop/book store and having that after school program to help inner city kids stay in school and and pursue their dreams. WoW its true “Living your dream or giving it up also costs the same price, which is usually very high”
So now that I know what it is that I want in my life I told myself two days ago that I have to start making steps (if baby steps to get those things accomplished) I already have been fighting the good fight now I’m ready to take it to another level. I do understand when it says fight the good fight. Its not easy going against the grain at time or not being afraid when flowing with the river when at times it feels like its moving so fast and out of control and sometimes you forget which way the river is going, and it hurts when you hit those rocks that protrude out the water or fish that bite at your toes. Oh yes, it hurts, and it does get lonely sometimes when you find yourself on the river bank all alone and its just the fire to keep you warm. You understand the word Good in Good Fight when your start to see God’s miracles working in your life and the river slows down and there are no rocks scraping your skin the fish don’t bite and you find company to enjoy the fire camp with at night. There is laughter and joy in your heart and you know the wins and lost battles were all worth it and the ones to follow will be worth it as well you say thank you to God in that very moment for the Good Fight.
Here is my list of things to improve the quality of my life. I already started some some years ago and others months ago after my break that cause me to wakeup I started changing things that I did not like with my life, doing things that brought me joy and closer to bringing my dreams a reality.
1. I know now before committing myself to something or someone I ask myself am I being TRUE to Myself ? If I am not being true to myself then there is no committing myself.
2. When the battle gets in the midst of achieving my dreams remember that the cost of achieving the dream is the same as giving up on it. Do I want to suffer for a short period of time while making that dream reality or suffer the rest of my life in giving up on it always having it eat at my soul becoming a torturous Zahir? Its best to move forward and endure the pain in pursing the dream because there will be joy in the morning if I take this path.
3. Keep joy in my heart like a child remember to live more child like; laugh, sing, dance, and play. When I start feeling to serious about the not so serious things in life remember to be childlike find the joy again in life never to old be God’s child.
3. Being thankful for my life as it is, and the presents that come along with, being thankful that God has given me the ability and acknowledgement to make the changes in my life when I want and when its needed.
4. Being aware of the present moment smelling the flowers, touch the cement, climb a tree, swim in the ocean, play in the sand get bit by spiders and live to tell about it.
3. Finding Joy in family, friends, and strangers seeing and acknowledging the light that shines within them (always look for that little light that shines in their eyes its there sometimes you have to look a little hard and letting my light to shine as well no matter what is also a help in seeing the light in someone else. Being Open to meeting new People and going to new places. I know that my soul ask these things of me its food for my soul its picky like a vegetarian only wanting to eat whats good for it not asking the impossible because there is no impossible.
4. Being able to reinvent myself when its needed; learning to let go of things that are no longer good for me. Being open to change. If I need to be fluid to flow with the water then I become fluid, If I need to be like the wind and go into transient then I become air, learning to be like energy because I am energy.
5. Giving back knowing that life is a cycle one Big Chakra you have to keep it spinning and clean keep that good energy moving. what you give is what you get.
6. Prayer having prayer a daily conscious and unconscious habit in my life is a must. Being able to have a close relationship with God being able to talk with God on levels. Acknowledging that God is my creator, my teacher, my love, my friend, my mother, my father, God is the flower I see when I walk past the flower bush and rub my fingers across it and feel and see its beauty, the moon that gives me light at night, the sun that wakes me in the morning and brightens my days, the rain that quenches my thirst, the wind that carries the pollen and brings changes in my life, Food that grows in the garden and nourish my body, the music that moves my soul, the air that passes through my lungs, the words that speak to mind, heart, and soul. God is the fire that burns inside of my heart with deep passion.
7.Leaving behind my last spiritual grain of sand not just for my son, but 20+ generation after him.
8. 1 Corinthians 13:13