Letting my life speak

A month or two ago I read a very interesting and beautiful book called Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. Very self-engaging read it was. A year ago I decided to let my life speak by deciding to leave a secured job and going in search to pursue my dreams and find out what my vocation (purpose in life) is.

I can tell you I had no idea a year ago that I would be where I am today. I let faith be my radar, and took off in blind faith without any particular plan A, B, or C. I just resigned moved all the way across the world (from Doha, to DC, now in Florida). I went to DC decided to enroll in Aveda institute learn about skin care (esthiology) something I wanted to do for years, but let fear keep from pursing this dream.

Well, while in DC my eyes and heart was subjected to poverty and homelessness. I had no idea what a great issue it was in America. Each day I would enter the Nation’s capital and I would see it in the daylight and night life surrounding me. I couldn’t understand it, and I couldn’t rest at night knowing that there is something I could do about it. Well, almost facing being homeless myself I understood how easy it could happen to me and just about anyone else so easily.

I eventually left DC after graduating from Aveda, and I returned home to Florida. I thought I would find work in the beauty and spa industry doing esthetics, but I decided to be still and let my life speak for me in what direction I would take when pursing work. So I decided to enroll in Eckerd college this January to start on my path to pursue my degree in creative writing so I could gain the technical skills in writing (something I’ve always wanted to do since I was a child was be a writer). Well, since I’ve moved back to Florida the world of poverty and homelessness also showed its face full frontal in every direction I turned.

Then one day while looking for work, but not forcing it, the opportunity presented itself to me to work with helping homeless veterans or those on the verge of becoming homeless gain housing and become stable in housing. I knew it was a sign that this was the direction that I should take. So I applied for the job an interviewed, and now I’m working with an organization that is helping to make a change in the community. Little did I know how very detailed this mission would be.

Its been three weeks since I’ve worked with this organization and today I asked myself, “do I have the heart, wisdom, and strength to do this kind of work?” Well, my mentor at school presented a class for me to take at this Spring Semester and its called Poverty & Homelessness in Florida. Tonight was my first day in this class, and OH MY! This journey will be very interesting.

Life really is a journey and I realized by having that faith and courage to let my life speak as Parker Palmer speaks about in his book “Let Your Life Speak”. It can really be a fulfilling, adventurous, life filled with endless blessings. Today I while driving home from work, I cried because I wasn’t sure if I had what it takes to do this job, I cried from what I’ve seen so far while working in this job, and after tonight’s class I know I am on the right path and its something beautiful about letting your life be of service to others…

To be continued.

Mar 18

Viva Saint Joseph

Finding My Voice and Realizing My Strength

I was given a second chance to redeem my voice (check out the blog where I vent about loosing my voice in front of a room full of people) in my Life, Learning, Vocation class a week ago. I did a speech on CHANGE for my last assignment and I surprised myself as I stood before the class and told my story before all my classmates and spoke on how change has brought me to this point where I am today. I was true and pure as I delivered my speech with passion, clarity, tearful eyes, and all of my heart. I understand that my voice does matter and what I say embedded with divine meaning. God the Maker, Creator, Alpha, and Omega is good and I’m thankful and blessed to find my voice again along with so many other things that I had lost while out in the desert for eight years.

As April approach, reflection passes through my memory, reminding me where I was a year ago from now ( in the desert, growing, learning, and being broken, only to realize that I can be built again), it makes me smile with gratitude, knowing where I came from and how I got to where I am today. I was weak when I left Doha, Qatar April of last year, my spirit was fragile, my mentality scattered, and broken-hearted. I needed healing badly and the Maker knew this, so the Universe conspired making sure healing be brought into my life during this beautiful transition from the desert into a new terrain of life.

I know now that my strength comes from the Maker alone, when I close my eyes in meditation I’m reminded that the Universe is inside of me, I am one with All. There is no I, but there is One. A connection to all living things a Oneness, Peacefulness, and Understanding with each breath taken.

Wishing I could be in Greece this year praying, eating, and celebrating Saint Joseph’s Day with my WOL sisters and brothers, but I understand that I am where I am because there is divine purpose in every foot step that I take.

I dedicate this song to my family and WOL (Warrior of The Light) family. I love you all dearly.

I will be praying tomorrow on St. Joseph’s Day with all the WOL around the world.

Love, Light, and Live!

Viva St. Joseph!!!

May 12

It is a small world after all.

I would like to believe it started with a vision at the age of 8, it was the latest my mother had let me stay outside the street light had been on for more than two hours and all the stars shined brightly in the Florida’s clear sky. I looked up to the sky and saw planes pass by and imagined what it would look like looking out of one of those small windows of the airplane and I woundered where was the plane heading to in this huge world.
I wanted to get on one of the planes so i closed my eyes and made a wish from the depths of my soul so deep to where I could invision it as a shooting star flew across the sky I wish to travel the world all my life.

That winter I had my first plane ride to Winsconsin, it was the furthest I had been away from florida besides our yearly summer routines to good ol’e Alabama to see my mom’s side of the family. Winsconsin was very first white christmas in Appelton, Winsconsin. I experienced everything I had saw in the movies and dreamed doing myself. I went sleding down huge hills, sled into a tree and smashed my face; I think my mother cried more than I did after seeing the damage that was done, I recall her crying out to my stepfather “look what you’ve done to my baby’s face, she is not a little boy, you can not be playing with them like they are little boys”, she cried out as she put a warm wash cloth on my scraped up faces, and my sister giggled in the corner of the bathroom as she watched me let out little sobs.

My stepdad played lots of pranks one that I will never forget was him daring me to put my tongue on a light pole, I took him up on his dare curious to what would happen besides feeling lots of coldness on my tongue. In my small mind I never knew that it wouldn’t be worse than feeling cold on my toongue but more like an extreme burn, that would last until I was able to rip my tongue from being stuck to a wooden iced light pole, again my mother cried more than I as she yelled at my stepfather for daring me to do such a thing! My sister just sat in the back ground giggling to herself. I enrolled in the snowball army and encountered more snowball wars than the US military could engage in ever, ok I’m exaggerating there.

On Sundays I daydreamed layed across the floor the sunroom and looked out the windows of two huge french doors that lead out into the wilderness that was less than 20 steps away from my aunt and her husband’s huge mansion. I imagined what it would be like to own my very own house out in the country side to experience a white christmas every year for the rest of my life.

1987 was the best Christmas of my life, on the plane ride back to sunny Florida looking outsidee the airplanes window into the clear blue sky, I knew in my heart that magic did exist no matter what my mother, father, grandmother, sunday school teacher, or preacher said. I knew it in my heart and mind and nothing would change that belief not even now at the age of 33 that I could create a life of magic for myself.

Mar 31

What Happens After You Touch The Sky?

I know its about the journey and not the destination, but Anxiety has been knocking at my door for the past couple of days, because its so worried about whats going to happen once I return back to the states, after living overseas for about 14yrs and most of the time spent living in Qatar.

I have no particular plans at all, besides get there and then figure out my next step, well Anxiety is not satisified with this plan, so it keeps trying to visit me through other people and their negative input and suggestions. Last night anxiety had the audacity to wake me up out of my precious sleep to bother me with questions about who, what, when, where, how?!

So I replied back to anxiety with I trust in the Lord, for the Lord is my guide, my compass, my Instructor. Soon I found myself sleeping comfortably and Anxiety decidedd to put a zipp on it.

Jan 23

The Warrior within

Yesterday’s battle was tricky, but suprising.

Yesterday I had a battle, an all too familiar battle that started in the morning. I seem to have the upper hand in the battle during the daylight hours, but as the night slowly crept in, I felt my strength weakening. I knew this meant I would have to do some serious praying, but I felt myself making old moves that I knew would not work against my opponent, I knew they didn’t work because they never worked in the past.

The night set in and the cold wind covered my skin. I tried to prepare for rest, but my heart remained restless, and my mind would not quiet down. I knew that it was a sign that I shouldn’t put my defenses down, but I was tired so I ignored my mind and heart. Then I was hit, I was hit hard and I felt myself falling down and splashing into the water! I thought maybe I should call an ally, maybe he could give me words of comfort, or maybe read some inspirational words, but none of those could help me as I splashed around in my sea of tears. I panicked as I kept splashing and going under. Then I kept getting a vision of the two floatation devices that I always kept on me; my pen that was my paddle and paper that was my boat.

I knew they would help me get thru the night, but the thought of writing my feelings down seemed like it would take so much energy, and time, but I couldn’t stand the thought of this repetitive act, of me always falling into the same abyss and waiting to be saved by someone.

I pulled out my floatation devices and started writing my feelings out. I woke up this morning and saw the sun and smiled.

This morning after reading the post and the comments on Paulo Coelho’s blog Another wrong stepit makes me think about his quote

“The Warrior of Light knows that no man is an island.”
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Yesterday there were many WOL out on the field together fighting The Good Fight!

Aug 19

Could I possibly be the Alchemist of my Life

A cute Cafe in Casablanca

Cafe Andalusia

The Police pulled over MB and I was a little nervous until I looked up and saw this and it reminded me why I came to Morocco ♥

The book the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho that awakened a dream that was asleep inside of me. This book reminded me that I have a path to walk and dreams to dream to turn into reality.

“Is man designed to follow destiny
where for fate brings end and end brings fate,
Or is life but a test of chivalry
And so hence the path comes man hopes is straight.
A proof of faith and test of character,
Far away in a land of sand and dune,
Where trials are trying and fate unsure,
His comrades − the sun, the wind and the moon.
He must follow his dreams and leave his land,
to a place far, far from the eastern sea,
For this is what life and path hath planned,
Forever from time to eternity. His quest is long and involves prodigious

Andalusia, and the Alchemist.”

Dec 24

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed and I thank you for keeping me!

2009 was a battle for me. My faith was tested my character was tested I was living a lie that had gone on too long, my spirituality wasn’t moving anywhere, and plummeting to the deep grounds. I was bitten and poisoned by something that weakened my spirit I started to loose faith in my faith. I found myself tired of life, I I realized that nothing absolutely nothing was stimulating to me. I didn’t see the joy in life, I no longer saw the beauty that a single flower possessed or felt the joy that came from the laughter of a small child. I knew something had to change but I didn’t know what or how.

I was out on a boat in the ruff sea sinking slowly, my cries were muffled by the roars of the storm i couldn’t hear my own cries. My vision was blurred bythe heavy rains pouring down. I felt like I wanted to just jump off the boat and give into the raging storm, but there was something inside of me that was very small that wasn’t ready to give up, every time that little something would keep me inside that boat and tell me that we would soon find shore even though I no longer had paddles to row myself in any unknown direction, that little part of me said just hold on. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed but the stormed didn’t pass and the little light inside of me kept on shining. It kept on glowing like a beacon in a light house.

One night I fell asleep and dreamed Iwas on a plane flying high in the sky on my way home. I was looking out the window of the plane talking to God.

Dear God I know things must change inside of me and I don’t want to keep on living like this, bring me closer to you, take my spirituality higher, I know this is not how you want me to live in a stagnant life with lies that kill and this is surely not how I want to live. I’m asking for your help. I am willing to let go of everything and anything just change me fix my spirit make me brand new, because what really matters is doing your will. So if you must take all from me I am willing to walk this path and do your will.

I woke up out of the dream on the plane and found myself washed up to shore on an island. The sun was shining so bright it was hard for me to see it was like I was being blinded by a bright sunbeam. I crawled farther into land my legs and arms were weak and my mouth was dry. I lied on my back and said Thank you Lord for saving me from the raging sea. The dream of the airplane flight seemed so real to me. I was starting to think I survived a plane crash, but the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months out in sea was very real as well, I was just thankful to see the sun again and feel myself safe on shore. I got up and walked around the island, looked for life other than myself. I was surprised to find life all around me. Sea shells moving along the beach with little crabs living inside, birds flying high in the sky, green trees swaying in the wind, flowers of every color blooming inland. Fresh streams of water, and beautiful water falls pouring off mountain tops.Everything was alive and beautiful.

I was alone but not alone. God spoke to me in many ways and languages through every living thing on the island.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months went by. It took me a while to get use to solitude, it was like rehab, cold nights, nights of fear, nights of nothing but silence, nights of questions and no answers. Days of walking along the beach, exploring the jungle, and swimming in the big blue sea. These nights and days started to turn into long conversations with God. Nights of dancing along the beach singing and laughing, cooking and eating with Lord, if someone had saw me they would have thought I went mad, but,I wasn’t crazy, I was filled with joy the joy of the Lord. There where times I found myself in deep prayer on my knees giving thanks to Jesus, sometimes I could see his feet standing before me.

I took notice how my mind, body and spirit was transforming. I would sometimes go to the spring and stare into it to see my reflection, I loved what I saw, I looked brand new, the glow of the river made it seem like I was glowing all over, One day I even heard the spring say to me that it also liked what it saw when it stared into my eyes to see its reflection and the glow from my eyes made it look like the stream itself was glowing with a beautiful light. This made me smile.

I was enjoying my new found relationship with God and the lessons he was teaching to me. One day a big boat passed by my first thoughts was swim out to it, yell for it, or set a fire for the boat to see. Then I decided not to do anything. I didn’t want to leave my new home everything was peaceful and calm, I didn’t want it to be disturbed by the temptations and troubles that were out there. So I sat there on the beach and watched the boat pass. I was afraid of going back to the same.

That night God came to me and asked me “Why did you let the boat pass”? I told God I was perfectly comfortable in my new home and didn’t want to return. I didn’t want to return to the old me.

God said to me “Its time for you to take the lessons that I taught you and venture out from this small island and put them to test, challenge yourself, grow, find life and light not just in the animals, crabs, trees, flowers and stream of water here on this island but look for the small miracles that are waiting to be seen in everyday living, find the light in other people eyes and feel free to show them your light. By doing this you will see their light and many other hidden lights mysteriously appear. My light shines in all! Sometimes it just takes for one person to let their light shine so let your light shine for that boat to see you and get on it.

God: Take a look up there in the sky what do you see?

I stared hard into the night sky and I spotteda small star shining.

Me: I see a small star up there

God: Relax your eyes and scan the sky.

As I relaxed and looked at the big dark blue sky I started to see stars pop out of no where. Soon the entire sky was filled with bright shining lights.

Me: Wow the entire sky is filled with stars.

I stood up and looked out at the ocean and saw another ship sailing in the night. I ran to my fire and fed it with more branches and leaves and made it bigger and brighter so the ship could see my fire.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed.

I stepped off the boat and found my family waiting on shore for me with open arms, smiling faces, and bright eyes.

I knew then that it is true that the soul needs to be tested it needs change and challenges… I was deep in the ocean sailing no where, then high in the sky soaring with the birds, later planted on an island in solitude, then surrounded by many people with a bright gleams of light in their eyes singing Praise to the Lord for he is so worthy.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months passed. My faith was tested in these times, 2009 was a blessing in trials and tribulations and I proudly enter 2010 the Holy year and give praises and thanks to the Carpenter who has made me, broke me, molded me, and fixed me.

I celebrate Christmas because it is you Jesus the heavenly gift that was sent down to earth who I have found salvation through. I thank you and I love you.

Reunika Marie Parham AKA Bright Light Warrior Nika

Merry Christmas all and Happy New Year 2010 (Holy Year)