It is a small world after all.

I would like to believe it started with a vision at the age of 8,  it was the latest my mother had let me stay outside the street light had been on for more than two hours and all the stars shined brightly in the Florida’s clear sky. I looked up to the sky and saw planes pass by and imagined what it would look like looking out of one of those small windows of the airplane and I woundered where was the plane heading to in this huge world.
I wanted to get on one of the planes so i closed my eyes and made a wish from the depths of my soul so deep to where I could invision it as a shooting star flew across the sky I wish to travel the world all my life. 

That winter I had my first plane ride to Winsconsin, it was the furthest I had been away from florida besides our yearly summer routines to good ol’e Alabama to see my mom’s side of the family. Winsconsin was very first white christmas in Appelton, Winsconsin. I experienced everything I had saw in the movies and dreamed doing myself. I went sleding down huge hills, sled into a tree and smashed my face; I think my mother cried more than I did after seeing the damage that was done, I recall her crying out to my stepfather “look what you’ve done to my baby’s face, she is not a little boy, you can not be playing with them like they are little boys”, she cried out as she put a warm wash cloth on my scraped up faces, and my sister giggled in the corner of the bathroom as she watched me let out little sobs.

My stepdad played lots of pranks one that I will never forget was him daring me to put my tongue on a light pole, I took him up on his dare curious to what would happen besides feeling lots of coldness on my tongue. In my small mind I never knew that it wouldn’t be worse than feeling cold on my toongue but more like an extreme burn, that would last until I was able to rip my tongue from being stuck to a wooden iced light pole, again my mother cried more than I as she yelled at my stepfather for daring me to do such a thing! My sister just sat in the back ground giggling to herself. I enrolled in the snowball army and encountered more snowball wars than the US military could engage in ever, ok I’m exaggerating there.

On Sundays I daydreamed layed across the floor the sunroom and looked out the windows of two huge french doors that lead out into the wilderness that was less than 20 steps away from my aunt and her husband’s huge mansion. I imagined what it would be like to own my very own house out in the country side to experience a white christmas every year for the rest of my life.

1987 was the best Christmas of my life, on the plane ride back to sunny Florida looking outsidee the airplanes window into the clear blue sky, I knew in my heart that magic did exist no matter what my mother, father, grandmother, sunday school teacher, or preacher said. I knew it in my heart and mind and nothing would change that belief not even now at the age of 33 that I could create a life of magic for myself.

Continuation of conversations between the heart and mind

Mind: So Heart you know I’ve been letting you have your way for almost 2.5yrs now! You fell in love with someone you thought was your soul mate and you would spend the rest of your life with. Well, what do you have to say about that?!

You wanted to quit the job, because things no longer felt right and you thought we should go in persuit of what you said would lead to our dream well I have to admit I thought it would lead to something good financially, I guess we where both wrong! But I wanted to stay until we came up with a plan a good plan before leaving, but you got desperately sad in this job and also tired of living in the desert and wanted to return to the states ASAP! I understood and felt your pain it was so deep it started to infect my mentality so be it you got your way we left! You told me  that we should follow the signs I fell for your crazy ideas of signs and listening to angels; well, to be honest you have made me a believer in signs and angels, but I beg you to look at the current situation we are in now! Does it look good to you? What do you suggest now; heart? I’ve been trying to be a team player, but now I’m lost, I’m not sure where to go from here and I’m not sure if I can completely trust you any more with playing the role as a GPS system for our life. I want to be on your side because we share the same house and I’m not trying to split us into two, just give me some reassurance that things will pick up and we haven’t hit a constant down fall in life!

Heart: Stay focused Mind I understand your concern with not knowing what the future holds, remember what you read today in an email, “If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that we do not know enough to be pessimistic.”-Hazel Henderson (1981)

Please Mind have faith that our foot steps are ordered, have faith that Love is always on our side; it is better to have loved to have never loved before, it doesn’t matter that it didn’t work out the way I had desired it to, what matters is that you and I both know it was real and genuine, you understood it and I felt it! Calm down stay focused lets contine to praise God and recognize our journey as it plays out like the beautiful movie that it is and rejoice in it. You have to admit this new adventure really has been beautiful even with the painful truths that we have encountered so far, somethings that may seem ugly really are beautiful beneith all the tainted discoloration.

Mind: I will keep your words in mind, Heart just ease my mind from time to time please…